I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
