oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
