this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
