Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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