I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
