I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
