the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
They took my balls.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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