he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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