My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
