i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
