I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
