So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
