low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
