thus making me awesome and them whores
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
There's always time for handjobs
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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