the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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