College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
