I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
