The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
