the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
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I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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