I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
