I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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