He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
