Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
When are your genitals available?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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