I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
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You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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