I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
