we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
