the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
