Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
