fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
