I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
