Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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