her facebook's as public as her vagina
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
