so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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