I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
