I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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