Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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