dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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