I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
