i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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