Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
