i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
