I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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