so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
