I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My vagina just recognized that song.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
