dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
