Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
