Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
