I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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