There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
