Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
