did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
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Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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