Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
