I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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