i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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