Tell her she can't have a vagina
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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