I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
