I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
are you so shy because you have an std?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
