I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
True college students do jello shots in the library
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
